Beware the Ninja Weenies Read online

Another serving from the bottomless well of “what if?” The tricky part here was to keep the ending from being obvious. I was pretty sure that some of my readers would expect the rich man to want the kid’s heart. I needed to cast doubt in their minds.

  Big Bang

  I started by wanting to write about someone figuring out the secret of the universe. That, all by itself, doesn’t make a very dramatic story. I needed to add another dimension. The universe-ending experiment fit my needs nicely.

  Laps

  Many years ago, I stayed at the InterContinental Hotel in Chicago for a conference. (My publisher takes me to lots of great places.) The hotel had an old swimming pool. Johnny Weissmuller, who won a bunch of Olympic medals and played Tarzan in the movies, used to train there. Hotel pools always have signs that warn against swimming alone. The memory of the old pool, combined with the signs I’ve seen so often, gave me the idea for a kid sneaking into a pool. When I started writing, I thought it might become a ghost story. But it went in a different direction.

  Bedbugs

  Since I speak at schools all over the country, I travel a lot. When the reappearance of bedbugs made the news, it was hard not to think about them. And when I was thinking about bedbugs, I remembered something about another bug. In the summer, my part of Pennsylvania often gets invaded by Japanese beetles. People put out traps that attract the beetles. I realized that if I didn’t put any traps out, the beetles would swarm to my neighbors’ yards. That thought, turned upside down so the bugs are being repelled rather than attracted, combined nicely with the idea of bedbugs.

  The Valley of Lost Treasures

  I began with the idea, “What if there’s a place where lost toys go?” That changed slightly as I started writing. Instead of toys being lost by all sorts of means, they get lost by going to this place.

  Catfishing in America

  Several years ago, I was doing an author visit at Schuyler Colfax Middle School in Wayne, New Jersey. During a “what-if” session, one of the students, Bianca Reilly, asked, “What if you had a vampire goldfish?” The instant I heard that, I said, “You’d kill it with a sunfish.” That’s the nice thing about exciting ideas. They tend to spawn more ideas. I told Bianca that if I ever wrote about sunfish and vampires, I’d give her credit for inspiring me.

  Poser

  I will sometimes get ideas by coming up with a way of combining different meanings of a word or phrase. It’s hard not to notice that a model is both a person who poses and a miniature version of a ship or plane (or anything else). The latter type of model is often made of plastic. In this case, the boy didn’t become an actual miniature model. Somehow, I don’t think the distinction would make all that much difference to him.

  Beware the Ninja Weenies

  I’ll tell the truth. When I proposed the title, I had no idea what the story would be about, but I knew ninjas would make a great cover. I’m fortunate enough to have met, and even hung out with, several true martial arts masters, so I’m always amused when I see dojos pop up that don’t seem to come from an authentic tradition. This was on my mind when I started thinking about the story. Then I did some research, reading about ninjas. I find, if I accumulate enough facts, this will often help me think up a plot. Reading about the things ninjas actually did, such as wearing disguises and creating distractions, definitely guided me toward this story.

  Little Bread Riding Hood

  This started as a title. Ever since I came up with “The Princess and the Pea Brain,” back in the fourth collection (The Battle of the Red Hot Pepper Weenies), I’ve had a fractured fairy tale in each book. It’s easy to get ideas by playing with the words in the titles of fairy tales. (I guess I could have written “Little Fred Riding Hood” or “Little Dead Riding Hood.” The second one strikes me as an idea that’s probably already been used a couple times.) It’s also fun and easy to warp a fairy tale, since the story already exists. In this case, I knew she’d be carrying bread (or rolls), and I knew her grandmother would be sick in bed. Beyond that, I just started writing and let things happen.

  Gulp

  I’ve toyed with various stories based on the idea of soda (or pop, as my friends several states west of here like to say) inside a person who is shaken up. And as faithful Weenies readers know, I’m fond of carnivals as settings for stories. In this case, given that I needed large quantities of soda and some form of violent shaking, a carnival was perfect.

  Spring Behind, Fall Ahead

  Way back around 1978 (yeah, I’m old), I had an idea for a twist ending for a time-travel story. I wrote the story, but never managed to sell it. (Back then, there were four or five science fiction magazines, and lots of other markets for short stories.) Years later, I took the twist-ending idea, threw out the rest, and wrote a completely different story.

  The Garden of Gargoyles

  When I was in high school, a friend took me for a ride to this creepy place that had sculptures lining a driveway. It might have been an abandoned monastery. I can’t remember the details. But the basic idea of a place lined with statues stayed with me. Eventually, I decided to write about such a place. But gargoyles seemed even better than regular statues.

  Alien Biology

  As much as I like this story, I had mixed feelings about putting it in the book. After I wrote it, I realized it was similar, in spirit, to one of the most classic and well-known episodes of The Twilight Zone. (I won’t mention the name of the episode, because that might be enough information to spoil the surprise if you ever see that show.) In the end, I decided it was different enough that I could safely slip it into this collection. As for the inspiration, it came from thinking about the key phrase, Alien Biology, and seeing how that could mean different things in different places.

  Evil Is in the Eye of the Beholder

  My daughter always brings me special presents when she travels. One year, she brought me a teapot shaped like a hand, as a reference to one of my favorite stories of all, “At the Wrist” (from In the Land of the Lawn Weenies). She’s also given me a gargoyle (which helped inspire another story in this collection), a wonderfully strange mask, and most recently, an evil-eye charm like the one in this story. As I was thinking about how the charm is supposed to work, it hit me that I’d much rather learn to deal with my own envy than protect myself from that of others. And thus was born the idea for the story.

  The Dark Side of Brightness

  Another from the “what-if” file. I’ll admit that I’ve used whitening strips several times, but I always lose interest before they have any effect. I’d also toyed with dissolved teeth when I was writing the ending of “The Battle of the Red Hot Pepper Weenies,” but I decided that was too extreme and permanent a result for the characters in that particular story.

  Day Careless

  The title popped into my mind. From there, I just started writing. When Jordan reached the basement steps, things turned a bit darker than I’d expected. But then, the plot took another turn. In a typical horror story, Jordan might have come to a bad end in the basement. But the story felt like it needed to go a bit further. I’m glad I took it the extra distance and got the kids out of the basement.

  Rat Slayers

  I like dungeon-crawling role-playing games. In almost every one of those games with a medieval setting, there’s a mission where you have to kill rats in a basement. I liked the idea of writing a story from the viewpoint of an actual game character, without letting the reader know exactly what was going on until the end. In role-playing games, the player has to make lots of decision about which weapons to use, and which skills to develop. For the story, I let the actual player’s decision become real experiences for the character.

  Frigid Regulations

  This was a “what if” for the ending: What if a girl killed a vampire with a spike of frozen hair? It wasn’t easy figuring out how to set her up with that frozen spike. But it was definitely fun.

  Dog Gone

  And so we end with another “what-if” question:
What if a vampire used a lost dog to lure victims? The story “Lost and Found,” in an earlier collection, shows the use of a lost object from the viewpoint of the finder. This one gives us the opposite side of the story. I like to end each collection with the scariest story. I’m pretty sure this one does the trick.

  * * *

  Well, I can hardly believe I’m writing the last words for a sixth story collection. Better yet, I’m working on the seventh. I think, by this point, I’ve pretty much thanked everyone I need to thank, and said, in a half dozen different ways, how fortunate I am to have an audience for my short stories. So let’s just leave it with this: I’ll see you next time.

  READER’S GUIDE

  ABOUT THIS GUIDE

  The information, activities, and discussion questions that follow are intended to enhance your reading of Beware the Ninja Weenies. Please feel free to adapt these materials to suit your needs and interests.

  WRITING AND RESEARCH ACTIVITIES

  I. Power and Popularity

  A. In several stories, characters find themselves in trouble because they follow (for example, “Gorgonzola”) or do not follow (for example, “Bed Bugs”) a friend’s plan. With friends or classmates, discuss a time when you have done something just to follow the crowd. What was the result? What might be some times when it is a good idea to go along with a group? Make a list of stories from Ninja Weenies, as well as titles of other books and story collections you have read, that explore the effects of following along with a crowd.

  B. In “Catfishing in America” and “Garden of Gargolyes,” the main characters force themselves into scary situations by calling another kid’s bluff. Create a chart on which to compare and contrast these two stories in terms of the reason the bluff is called, the natural and supernatural elements involved, and the way each plot is resolved.

  C. David Lubar concludes “Christmas Carol” with a surprising twist: Carol has not learned any “lesson” from her holiday wish but continues to enjoy endless days of presents. In the character of Carol, write a journal entry describing the day you finally learn a “lesson,” what it is, and how (or if) you would wish differently if given the chance.

  II. Animals and Aliens

  A. From “Flying Solo” to “Alien Biology,” many stories feature extraterrestrial beings. Make a chart noting the different extraterrestrials, how they interact with the human characters in the stories, and whether the interaction is helpful, destructive, or has another outcome. Invent an alien to add to the chart, noting how your alien fits into each category.

  B. David Lubar comments that he felt “ninja weenies” would look great on a book cover. Review the stories in the collection to find the characters (animal, alien, or otherwise) that paint the most vivid image in your mind’s eye. Use colored pencils or paints to create your own, new cover illustration for the book. Write a new title to suit your cover design.

  C. Characters in some stories are trying to answer questions, such as where lost objects go, or unlock secrets, such as the mysteries of the universe. Make a list of at least three such stories and then, for each, answer the question, “Does the cliché ‘curiosity killed the cat’ apply to this story?”

  D. From chipmunks to broccoli, some typically voiceless creatures are given their say in this collection. Imagine you have the power to communicate with an animal or object of your choice. Write a one-page, magazine-style interview with this character, including at least five questions to be answered.

  III. Story Sources

  A. From “Gorgonzola” to “Alchemy,” Ninja Weenies stories are full of intriguing words that inspired David Lubar’s stories. Choose a word with which you are unfamiliar. Go to the library or online to find a definition, information on the word’s origin, and more fun facts (e.g., how “gorgonzola” is made or a list of fashion and lifestyle products that use the term “alchemy” in their brand names). On a sheet of 81⁄2 x 11" paper, make a miniposter sharing what you have learned. If desired, combine your miniposter with those of friends or classmates to create a display entitled “An Exotic Dictionary Inspired by Ninja Weenies.”

  B. Given David Lubar’s penchant for wordplay and twisting clichés, do you think a twisted version of the Golden Rule—Do a cruel thing unto others and a cruel thing will be done unto you—could be a theme of this collection? Why or why not? Go to the library or online to find a copy of Benjamin Franklin’s Poor Richard’s Almanac or another book of adages or proverbs. What saying, or twisted version of a saying, would you choose as an organizing idea for this collection? Explain your answer.

  C. “What-if’s” inspire many of David Lubar’s stories. Flip through a newspaper or magazine and write five “what-if questions” about images you see. From your list, select one idea to use as the basis for a short story. First, write a brief outline or concept for your story. Then, take Lubar’s advice that “there has to be more at stake” (from his comments on writing “Sweet Dreams”) and come up with two ways to raise the stakes for your characters. Finally, write your story and be sure to give it an enticing title.

  D. David Lubar credits a middle-school student with inspiring him to write “Catfishing in America.” Write a letter to the author, telling him your favorite story from Ninja Weenies and suggesting an idea or question that might inspire a new story.

  QUESTIONS FOR DISCUSSION

  1. Beware the Ninja Weenies is David Lubar’s sixth Weenie story collection. Have you read other Lubar anthologies, or other story collections? Have you read other scary books? Did you begin reading this book with certain expectations? Explain your answer.

  2. We meet the main character of the first story while he is engrossed in playing a video game. Do you think you like video games as much as this kid? Do you ever find yourself getting almost lost in the world of a game? If so, describe this experience.

  3. In “Blowout,” the main character tells his sister, “There are countless stars.… Nobody will miss this one.” What characters from other stories do you think have the same sort of philosophy about their actions or powers? What advice might you give them? Do you think this is a good or bad attitude to have in real life?

  4. Compare and contrast the stories in which vampires appear in terms of their relationship to humans, their sense of morality, and their powers. Which story do you feel had the most unique or surprising type of vampire? Explain your answer.

  5. “Little Bread Riding Hood” is a fractured—or twisted—version of a classic fairy tale. How does your knowledge of the original “Riding Hood” tale affect your reading of this story? Does it make it funnier or more surprising? What other fairy tale do you think would lend itself well to a “fractured” retelling, and how?

  6. Which story or stories in this collection do you think best explore what happens when characters are selfish or lack compassion? Which stories pit the physically or socially weak against the strong or popular? What might you conclude are the best—and safest—qualities and behaviors a kid can have to survive a world of aliens, vampires, and ninja weenies?

  7. How are “Evil Is in the Eye of the Beholder,” “Thresholds of Pain” and “Day Careless” similar in terms of the main characters’ insights into themselves and those they encounter in the story? How might the word “compassion” be used to describe these narrators?

  8. Describe the ways video games, television, and other scientific contraptions (such as time machines) are woven into this collection. What conclusions (serious or humorous) might you draw about the care and use of technology after finishing this book?

  9. In “The Art of Alchemy,” geeky Marvin tells bully Lenny that “anticipation is torture.” How does the author use this insight to craft his scary stories? How might you rephrase this observation as a writing tip?

  10. In the final line of the final story of the collection, the vampire narrator tells readers, “It’s not like I’m some kind of monster.” Describe at least two ways this last line could be understood. Who do you think are the worst “mon
sters” in this story collection? Why do you think David Lubar felt this was the “scariest story” in this anthology?

  STARSCAPE BOOKS BY DAVID LUBAR

  Novels

  Flip

  Hidden Talents

  True Talents

  Nathan Abercrombie, Accidental Zombie Series

  My Rotten Life

  Dead Guy Spy

  Goop Soup

  The Big Stink

  Enter the Zombie

  Story Collections

  The Battle of the Red Hot Pepper Weenies and Other Warped and Creepy Tales

  The Curse of the Campfire Weenies and Other Warped and Creepy Tales

  In the Land of the Lawn Weenies and Other Warped and Creepy Tales

  Invasion of the Road Weenies and Other Warped and Creepy Tales

  Attack of the Vampire Weenies and Other Warped and Creepy Tales

  ABOUT THE AUTHOR

  David Lubar grew up in Morristown, New Jersey. His books include Hidden Talents, an ALA Best Book for Young Adults; True Talents; Flip, a VOYA Best Science Fiction, Fantasy, and Horror selection; the Weenies short-story collections Attack of the Vampire Weenies, In the Land of the Lawn Weenies, Invasion of the Road Weenies, The Curse of the Campfire Weenies, and The Battle of the Red Hot Pepper Weenies; and the Nathan Abercrombie, Accidental Zombie series. He lives in Nazareth, Pennsylvania. You can visit him on the Web at www.davidlubar.com.

  This is a work of fiction. All of the characters, organizations, and events portrayed in these stories are either products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously.

  BEWARE THE NINJA WEENIES

  Copyright © 2012 by David Lubar

  Reader’s Guide copyright © 2012 by Tor Books

  All rights reserved.

  Cover art by Bill Mayer

  A Starscape Book

  Published by Tom Doherty Associates, LLC

  175 Fifth Avenue

  New York, NY 10010