The Battle of the Red Hot Pepper Weenies Read online

  I’m pleased to admit that the whole idea was inspired by the title. Wordplay is constantly dancing through my head. When I thought up the title, it wasn’t hard to imagine what kind of fate would happen to a pea-brained prince if he found himself in this sort of story.

  Petro-fied

  It’s hard not to think about gas and oil these days. This is another case where I knew from the start how the story would end. I just didn’t know the rest of it right away. True confession—I was doing the final edit of the story, and these notes, right after five inches of snow fell. I just filled the tank of my snowblower. Right now, my fingers smell like gasoline. I would never buy a snowblower, but my favorite lawn weenie gave me his when he moved to Florida.

  Time Out

  This one was totally unplanned. I just tossed a couple kids in a room with a time machine to see what would happen. Time travel can get pretty tricky for writers (and readers). The classic example of a time-travel paradox is this: What if you went back in time and prevented your grandfather from meeting your grandmother? Would you cease to exist? Nobody really has a good answer for this. My story went in a different direction, but it is still probably one of the harder ones to wrap your mind around.

  Galactic Zap

  This was sort of a combined what-if and ending idea. The what-if part gave me the idea for a game that was actually a screening test. At the same time, the reason for the screening gave me the ending. I wasn’t sure whether to include this story, since the story “Inquire Within” from my previous collection also dealt with a screening test, though in an entirely different way. That’s actually the greatest challenge of putting together a collection—making sure that any particular sort of twist doesn’t happen too often. I decided to keep this one in because I love the last line. If you want to read the best novel ever written about kids fighting aliens, check out Ender’s Game by Orson Scott Card.

  The Taste of Terror

  Yup—another what-if. “What if there was a witch who ate screams?” In my first draft, the main character didn’t survive. But that didn’t feel right. The story was so dark, I felt it needed a happy ending.

  The Cat Almost Gets a Bath

  I read a magazine article about bathing cats to reduce allergies. Having actually bathed a cat once or twice for various reasons (don’t try this at home), I knew how dangerous and frantic an exercise it could become. It struck me as an ideal topic for a funny story.

  Yesterday Tomorrow

  This is really another version of a time-travel story, though quite different from “Time Out.” I’m working on a third time-travel story, with an entirely different sort of ending, but I figured I’d save that for the next collection. This one began with, “What if a kid woke up a day earlier each day?” That, as interesting as it might be, didn’t strike me as enough, by itself, for a story. But, as I thought about what his life would be like, and realized the things he could do, I saw the chance for a strong ending.

  Take a Whack at This

  Another story that began as a what-if. I’m actually quite fond of spiders. But the ones that show up in my stories tend not to be all that pleasant. I figure E. B. White has already given us the ultimate nice spider, but there’s lots of room to explore the icky side.

  King of the Hill

  I started with the line that is spoken by the hill. I knew I wanted to put it in a story. At first, I thought the whole thing would just be about some kids playing king of the hill. Then I realized I had to make the story a bit larger.

  Book Banning

  Writers spend a lot of time dealing with the issue of book banning. So it’s not surprising that I was thinking about those two words. Whenever I think about words, I end up playing with them. I wondered what would happen if, instead of being banned, the books did the banning. I have a feeling my librarian friends are going to especially enjoy this one.

  Braces

  Given how much it cost for my daughter to get braces, there was no way I wasn’t going to write a story about it sooner or later. In this case, it was later. She’s had her braces off for years. But I still remember sitting with her in the waiting room. And I still remember way back in the dark ages when I got braces myself. But that’s another story.

  Turkey Calls

  I wondered what would happen if a kid made a turkey call and it called something else. Of course, that’s just the start of the process. I needed to make it seem reasonable that the call wouldn’t work right, and maybe give a hint that whatever came might not be a bird.

  Reel

  This began with, “What if a kid felt everything that happened in a movie?” The first time I started to write that story, I got sidetracked and ended up writing about a kid who sees himself in a play (“Alexander Watches a Play”). This time, I stuck with the idea.

  Bad Luck

  I liked the idea of personifying an aspect of fate. (That sentence was an attempt to raise the reading level of this book. This would be a good time to put the book down and say to whoever told you not to buy such a silly book, “Hey—I’m learning about personification as a rhetorical device. This book is very educational, even if there are Weenies on the cover.”) There have been lots of stories where Death is a character. I wanted to spend some time with something less drastic. Bad Luck seemed like the perfect choice.

  Rattled Nerves

  I’d been talking with someone about what kinds of dangerous snakes live in Pennsylvania. That conversation settled into my brain and led me to think about a kid who believes he’s being chased by a venomous snake. Then, I had to think up something that would be mistaken for a snake, but would be much worse. (I guess I could have gone in the opposite direction and had it turn out he was running from something that wasn’t dangerous.) That’s where the fun stuff happens. Writing this type of story is sort of like doing a magic trick. I have to keep you from noticing the surprise until the end.

  Smart Little Suckers

  The idea for the insects came first. I knew they would make someone smarter. I didn’t know what would happen after that. As for the rolling-over part, I actually did make that mistake in one of my early video games, The Challenge of Nexar for the Atari 2600. After I programmed it and the cartridge got shipped to stores, someone complained that when he won one hundred ships, the game ended. I never expected anyone to do that well, so I hadn’t bothered to make sure the number didn’t wrap back to zero. I fixed it, and we made more cartridges. This just shows that any mistakes you make can come in handy later on.

  Overdue onto Others

  Every time I go to my local library in Nazareth, they seem to have new things you can borrow. This is great, but it got me thinking about what sort of things they could offer in the future. At the same time, I was playing around with an idea that was inspired by a sign I saw at a computer show. The sign read: WE BUY AND SELL MEMORIES. I only wrote a paragraph or two for that one, but it helped lead me toward the concept of doing something with personalities.

  Put on Your Happy Face

  This is sort of a companion piece to my story “Mr. HooHaa!” from The Curse of the Campfire Weenies. It looks at the general creepiness of clowns from the opposite direction. I’m not afraid of clowns, but I definitely like spiders better.

  Moods

  I was thinking about mood rings one day. Why was I thinking about mood rings? I have no clue. But I’m glad I was. That thought led me to wonder what would happen if a mood ring didn’t show any color. It didn’t take me long to think up an answer to that question. The toughest decision with this sort of story is whether to go into all sorts of detail and stretch things out, or just get right to the ending. I like how this one feels at this length. As Lincoln said, a story only needs to be long enough to reach the ending.

  Keep Your Spirits Up

  I was thinking about how every group has some sort of initiation or ritual for new members. I just took that concept and applied it to the ultimate (or perhaps, final) group someone might join. The actual cause of death cou
ld have been anything, but since I’m a roller coaster fan, I figured I’d pick something spectacular. (If you’re reading this book on the way to an amusement park, you have my apology.)

  Sting, Where Is Thy Death?

  I wanted to create some undead insects. It took a bit of work to put everything in place. That can be one of the harder tasks for a writer. The story can’t feel contrived. Everything has to feel natural. That’s a lot easier in a novel, where you can take as much space as you need to set things up. But any time I get to write a scene where a mushed piece of insect paste starts to regain its shape, I’m happy.

  So, that brings us to the end of another collection. But, happily, not to the end of my short stories. I have more warped and creepy tales in the works, including a vampire story that is so dark, it makes me grin, and encounters with such horrors as scorpions, dolls’ heads, Botox, and cat litter. I can’t say for sure which stories will make the final cut, but I can promise to do my best to make you laugh, scream, shiver, and gasp the next time we get together.

  David Lubar grew up in Morristown, New Jersey. His books include Hidden Talents, an ALA Best Book for Young Adults; True Talents; Flip, a VOYA Best Science Fiction, Fantasy, and Horror selection; and the short-story collections In the Land of the Lawn Weenies, Invasion of the Road Weenies, and The Curse of the Campfire Weenies. He lives in Nazareth, Pennsylvania. You can visit him on the Web at www.davidlubar.com.

  READER’S GUIDE

  ABOUT THIS GUIDE

  The information, activities, and discussion questions that follow are intended to enhance your reading of The Battle of the Red Hot Pepper Weenies. Please feel free to adapt these materials to suit your needs and interests.

  WRITING AND RESEARCH ACTIVITIES

  I. Twisting Tales

  From inverted quotations to twisted clichés to warped renditions of classic tales, David Lubar goes beyond wordplay to phrase-play, plot-play, and whole-new-worlds-play to create his stories. Try writing some two-to-four page stories using the Lubar-style activities and prompts below. Then, invite friends or classmates to see what kinds of stories they can create using the favorite prompt you choose for them.

  A. Ask a teacher, family member, or friend to give you one piece of good advice, such as “Don’t play in the street.” Then write a story in which taking this good advice has some very bad consequences.

  B. Like King of the Hill, make up a simple game with a ball, a racket, and a safety cone (or other common sports gear)—four rules maximum. Give your game a cool name, teach it to friends or classmates, and play a few rounds. Then invite your friends to discuss what they liked and did not like about the game. Was it too hard to win? Too easy to gang up? Too tempting to cheat? Then write a creepy story about a game in which nobody winds up a winner.

  C. Clean your room (or at least pick it up a little). As you clean, set aside several objects that you thought were lost for good, did not know you owned, or caught your attention for another reason. When you finish cleaning, sit holding one of the found objects in your hand and pay close attention to the smells, colors, and sounds around you and to the random thoughts that enter your mind. Then, write a spooky story in which your found object plays a key role.

  D. Open a book of poetry, an instructional manual, or other interesting volume to a random page. Scan the page for a curious or amusing phrase or sentence. Then use some version of this phrase as the title for a story—and write it.

  E. Go to the children’s section of your local library and choose a picture book. After reading the story, write your own spine-tingling version. Or rewrite the ending of your favorite novel with a creepy twist.

  II. Putting Words into Action

  Many stories in this collection explore what happens when a character takes action to fulfill a secret wish or desire. Is it okay to feel jealous or angry as long as you do not act on the emotion? Should you talk about these feelings before they get out of hand?

  A. Talking too much, or perhaps not enough, plays an important role in several tales. Hold a talk-a-thon in your classroom or community. Invite teams of people to converse without stopping for a period of time. Make sure to agree upon rules for breaks, if any, and how a winner or winners will be declared. If desired, provide a list of conversation topics on index cards, and water of course! Afterward, discuss how hard or easy it was to talk, talk, talk.

  B. To what lengths would you go to be popular? Find at least three stories in the collection in which the desire for popularity is a dangerous motivator. Create a survey about the importance of popularity, the difference between popularity and friendship, and other related topics of your choosing to be completed by classmates or friends. Compile the results on a chart or table and write a short report noting the most surprising results you discover.

  C. Several story characters begin their journeys as a result of being angry about or punished for a misdeed. Go to the library or online to learn about positive ways to handle feelings of anger. Discuss strategies for anger management with siblings, friends, teachers, or coaches. Compile the results in a computer-designed booklet entitled “Getting Angry in a Good Way” or a title of your choice. Include a bibliography of your research sources and fun quotations from friends, coaches, and even famous figures quoted about anger.

  D. In small groups, select one-to-three stories that seem the most creepy, interesting, or relevant to your community. Bring these stories to life as dramatic readings or grab a video camera and make them into short movies. Present your results to friends or classmates.

  E. From “Swallow your rage” to “put on your happy face,” clichés gone wild are a key feature of this collection. Go to the library or online to find a definition of the term “cliché.” What is valuable about clichés? Why are such phrases worth exploring? What famous historical figures provided the world with unforgettable clichés? On a wall of your school, community center, or home, post a giant sheet of paper (or create a blog or website) entitled “Cliché Central.” Invite visitors or passers-by to post their favorite clichés. What can you learn about your friends or community by the clichés they choose?

  III. Weenie World

  David Lubar has a special talent for exploring ideas central to kids’ lives while, at the same time, creating incredible models for short-story writing and for thinking about literature in big, exciting ways. What has this collection made you wonder?

  A. Make a list of at least eight key themes explored by stories in this collection, including being angry, talking/not talking, and popularity. In discussion with friends or classmates, or through a vote or survey, order the themes from most important to least important to your life and community. Print up the ranking on a large sheet of paper.

  B. From Orson Scott Card’s modern classic Ender’s Game to an inverted biblical expression (“O death, where is thy sting?” (1 Cor. 15:55)) to the long-popular fairy tales “The Princess and the Pea” and “Hansel and Gretel,” the author gives familiar scenarios totally twisted outcomes. Read one of the books, passages, or stories above, or another book or story you see reinterpreted in one of Lubar’s shorts. Then, write a short essay comparing the two literary works.

  C. Find three stories in the novel that explore the notion of following instructions. Make a list of their titles, main characters, instructions, and the story outcomes. Using your list as inspiration, write your own “Guide to Following Instructions and Avoiding Disaster.” Your guide can be useful, comic, or even scary. If desired, turn your completed guide into a PowerPoint presentation or an illustrated brochure to share with friends or classmates.

  D. Find a newspaper article about an important environmental, political, or medical concern. Use information from this article to write a scary story in which characters work to fix the problem, or in which characters ignore the issue. Attach the story, the newspaper article, drawings, magazine clippings, or other illustrative elements to a sheet of poster board. Present your poster to classmates or friends before a discussion of the rea
l-life concern.

  E. If you have read more than one Weenie story collection or other book by David Lubar, make a top-ten list of Lubar’s favorite creepy topics. (Hint: Consider clowns and psychic abilities.) Compare two stories from different books that deal with the same subject from the list. What elements do they share? How do the endings differ? What conclusions might you draw about the subject based on your comparison? What might you like to ask the author about this subject?

  F. In “Dear Author,” a kid finds his story ideas stolen by a mysterious author. Do you think real authors fear getting letters like this? Why or why not? Write a letter to David Lubar. Tell him which Red Hot Pepper Weenie story, or story from another Weenie book, you liked the best and why. Which story was the scariest and why? What idea or situation would you suggest Mr. Lubar feature in his next collection?

  G. Design a book jacket, poster, T-shirt, or other object celebrating David Lubar’s “Weenie World.”

  QUESTIONS FOR DISCUSSION

  1. In “All the Rage,” how does the narrator’s inability to understand the behavior of a classmate lead him to make a terrifying mistake? Describe the setting and themes of this tale. In what ways do these images and ideas set the stage for the rest of the stories in this collection?

  2. “Into the Wild Blue Yonder” and “Yackity-Yak” involve characters that talk too much. Have you ever encountered a very talkative person or found yourself in a situation where you could not stop talking? Describe that situation and how it relates to your reading of these stories.

  3. “The Wizard’s Mandolin” and “Wish Away” show the risks of using magic to get what you wish. What do you think is the moral of these tales? If you could make one wish (and not for more wishes), for what might you ask? Choose your words carefully and explain why you would make this particular wish.

  4. In “The Department Store,” does the narrator seem to suffer a fate he does not really deserve? Why or why not? In what other stories do the main characters seem more unlucky than bad? In what stories do you feel the characters got what was coming to them? What are the differences between these two types of tales?