Teeny Weenies: The Intergalactic Petting Zoo Read online

  “Missed!” Dewey said.

  “But I was close,” I said. I knew what had gone wrong. I wasn’t throwing from a pitcher’s mound, or from in front of a carnival game. I was throwing from a spinning Ferris wheel. I needed to take our motion into account. On the next pass, I threw my other sneaker.

  “No!” I moaned.

  I was just wide, on the other side of the lever this time. I’d overcompensated for the spin of the wheel. I turned to Dewey. “Give me a shoe. I’m sure I can hit the lever this time.”

  “No way. I can’t run good without them,” he said.

  “You can’t run at all if they grab you and eat your brain.”

  “Good point.” He sighed, removed a shoe, and handed it to me.

  I took careful aim, and made a perfect shot. The shoe hit the lever with a hard smack.

  “Great throw!” Dewey yelled.

  “Thanks.” I braced myself to leap from the seat and make a run for safety. But the wheel didn’t slow down at all.

  “Why didn’t we stop?” he asked.

  I was wondering the same thing. It took three more turns of the wheel, during which I almost got grabbed and pulled out of the car, before I saw what was wrong.

  “I hit the side of the lever,” I told Dewey. “But it has to be pushed from the front.”

  “This is hopeless,” he said.

  “Yeah … Wait!” A new idea hit me. “Give me the other shoe.”

  “Sure. I might as well die barefoot.”

  I took the shoe, waited for the right moment, and threw it so it bounced off the head of a zombie. I flinched as I saw his ear go flying. But I quickly turned my attention elsewhere.

  The shoe shot toward the lever at the angle I needed, and hit the lever perfectly.

  “Score!” I shouted as the lever moved the right way to slow us down.

  I’d done it!

  I hadn’t expected the ride to stop so suddenly.

  Dewey and I shot through the air, flying right over the safety bar.

  We tumbled as we flew, and landed on our backs. I tried to get up, but I had the wind knocked out of me. Zombies shambled over and clustered around us in a circle.

  “You okay?” I asked Dewey after I managed to sit up.

  “Yeah. You?”

  “Yeah.”

  “Why aren’t they eating our brains?” he asked.

  “Maybe they’re afraid they’ll starve,” I said. I couldn’t believe I just made a joke.

  I stood up, and got ready to try to fight my way out.

  The mob parted. The zombie I’d hit with the shoe came through the opening. I noticed he was missing an ear. I guess they wanted to let him have the first shot at me.

  Then, I saw something else.

  He was clutching a giant stuffed Pikachu.

  He held it out to me and mouthed the words, “Nice throw. You win a prize.”

  “Uh, thanks,” I said. “Sorry about the ear.”

  He shrugged as if it wasn’t any big deal.

  I looked around. Zombies were getting on rides and playing games.

  “I guess they just want to enjoy themselves,” I said.

  Why not? They’d all been human until recently. Just because they’d become the living dead didn’t mean they couldn’t have fun.

  “They do seem to be having a good time,” Dewey said. “Back at the wheel, when they were reaching out, I think they were trying to save us.”

  I thought about the way they’d been waving their arms. “I’ll bet you’re right.”

  “Should we stick around?” Dewey asked.

  “Maybe not.” I noticed none of the zombies were at the food stalls. I guess they didn’t crave funnel cake, cotton candy, or sketchy sausages. I hated to think what would happen if they got hungry. “We should probably get going.”

  I grabbed my sneakers and Dewey got his shoes. After we’d laced up, he pointed at the Ferris wheel. “Best ride ever.”

  I couldn’t argue with that.

  A FEW WORDS FROM A GRATEFUL AUTHOR

  This is the part where I thank people who helped make this book possible, while you set the book down and run off to satisfy your sudden craving for a hot dog.

  Without my publisher, Kathleen Doherty, and my editor, Susan Chang, this book would never have happened. Not many writers get to publish even one story collection, so I feel fortunate to be nurtured by the caring folks at Tor Books. The amazing Weenie art, first seen on the covers of nine Weenies story collections, and now seen both on the covers and scrambling across the pages of this first volume of Teeny Weenie Tales, comes from the wonderful mind of Bill Mayer. Author and bookseller Ellen Yeomans suggested I think about writing a collection for younger readers since my stories were popular with the older kids who came to her store. As you can see, I took her suggestion seriously.

  On a personal level, my wife, Joelle, and my good friend Doug Baldwin, read and critique most of my work. My daughter, Alison, also gets called on when I need advice, suggestions, or someone to brainstorm with.

  These stories were inspired by all sorts of things, in all sorts of ways. One of those inspirations deserves special mention. When I saw social-media posts from awesome young-adult librarian Andria Amaral about searching the beach for sharks’ teeth, it gave me the idea for “Tooth Trouble.”

  That’s all for now. I’d better get back to work. I have a lot more stories to write. There are still plenty of Weenies out there who deserve their moment of fame.

  STARSCAPE BOOKS BY DAVID LUBAR

  Novels

  Flip

  Hidden Talents

  True Talents

  Monsterrific Tales

  Hyde and Shriek

  The Vanishing Vampire

  The Unwilling Witch

  The Wavering Werewolf

  The Gloomy Ghost

  The Bully Bug

  Nathan Abercrombie, Accidental Zombie Series

  My Rotten Life

  Dead Guy Spy

  Goop Soup

  The Big Stink

  Enter the Zombie

  Story Collections

  Attack of the Vampire Weenies And Other Warped and Creepy Tales

  The Battle of the Red Hot Pepper Weenies And Other Warped and Creepy Tales

  Beware the Ninja Weenies And Other Warped and Creepy Tales

  Check Out the Library Weenies And Other Warped and Creepy Tales

  The Curse of the Campfire Weenies And Other Warped and Creepy Tales

  In the Land of the Lawn Weenies And Other Warped and Creepy Tales

  Invasion of the Road Weenies And Other Warped and Creepy Tales

  Strikeout of the Bleacher Weenies And Other Warped and Creepy Tales

  Wipeout of the Wireless Weenies And Other Warped and Creepy Tales

  ABOUT THE AUTHOR

  DAVID LUBAR credits his passion for short stories to his limited attention span and bad typing skills, though he has been known to sit still and peck at the keyboard long enough to write a novel or chapter book now and then, including Hidden Talents (an ALA Best Book for Young Adults) and My Rotten Life, which is currently under development for a cartoon series. He lives in Nazareth, Pennsylvania, with his amazing wife, and not too far from his amazing daughter. In his spare time, he takes naps on the couch. You can sign up for email updates here.

  ABOUT THE ILLUSTRATOR

  BILL MAYER is absolutely amazing. Bill’s crazy creatures, characters, and comic creations have been sought after for magazine covers, countless articles, and even stamps for the U.S. Postal Service. He has won almost every illustration award known to man and even some known to fish. Bill and his wife live in Decatur, Georgia. They have a son and three grandsons. You can sign up for email updates here.

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  CONTENTS

  Title Page

  Copyright Notice

  Dedication

  The Intergalactic Petting Zoo

  Root, Root, Root for the Home Team

  The Bully Pool

  Visibility

  Collect Them All!

  The Left Hand of Dorkiness

  Ride ’Em, Tenderfoot!

  Boom!

  Tooth Trouble

  Camp Makawallit

  Summer Reading (and Some Aren’t)

  Wheel of Zombies

  A Few Words from a Grateful Author

  Starscape Books By David Lubar

  About the Author and Illustrator

  Copyright

  This is a work of fiction. All of the characters, organizations, and events portrayed in these stories are either products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously.

  THE INTERGALACTIC PETTING ZOO AND OTHER STORIES

  Copyright © 2019 by David Lubar

  Illustrations copyright © 2019 by Bill Mayer

  All rights reserved.

  Cover art and design by Bill Mayer

  A Starscape Book

  Published by Tom Doherty Associates

  175 Fifth Avenue

  New York, NY 10010

  www.tor-forge.com

  The Library of Congress has cataloged the print edition as follows:

  Names: Lubar, David, author. | Mayer, Bill (Illustrator), illustrator.

  Title: Teeny weenies tales: the Intergalactic Petting Zoo and other stories / David Lubar; illustrated by Bill Mayer.

  Description: First edition. | New York: Tom Doherty Associates, 2019. | “A Starscape Book.” | Summary: A selection of twelve stories about aliens, a community pool filled with bullies, a surprising start to the Fourth of July fireworks, and other peculiar things, with comic-book style illustrations.

  Identifiers: LCCN 2018048321 | ISBN 9781250173423 (hardcover: alk. paper) | ISBN 9781250187710 (ebook)

  Subjects: LCSH: Paranormal fiction. | Children’s stories, American. | CYAC: Supernatural—Fiction. | Short stories.

  Classification: LCC PZ7.L96775 Tem 2019 | DDC [Fic]—dc23

  LC record available at https://lccn.loc.gov/2018048321

  eISBN 9781250187710

  Our ebooks may be purchased in bulk for promotional, educational, or business use. Please contact the Macmillan Corporate and Premium Sales Department at 1-800-221-7945, extension 5442, or by email at [email protected].

  First Edition: April 2019